Touch down in Tokyo

Well I've arrived in Japan. From the dream like state of flying and insomnia, you land back in a city where the new day is just starting, with real people, familiar things you recognise (like phones and vending machines) but which are all ever so slighty unintelligable. It doesn't feel like i'm in Japan, just a wierd dream where everything actually works. People are polite, speak excellent english and my first touch down in Japan was going very smoothly. 'I'll pop to the loo' I thought. I didn't need to go, it's just that I'd managed to get not only tooth paste down my trousers, but also chocolate during the journey. I therefore had to sponge off both a white and brown stain from my crotch. So it wasn't urgent, but i wanted to see a toilet. I could barely wait, as you just hear so much about japanese toilets. I half expected to be greeted at the door by my own personal Bumi-Wipo robot. I wasn't. So i went into a cubicle and suddenly - rather than seeming like any other airport in any part of the western world - it felt very foreign. What the hell was this!? Even france builds proper toilets these days. A country that pretty much leads the world in innovation appears to prefer squat-pots. So this was my first japanese toilet experience- see picture. I failed to remove the white and brown stain and gave myself a big wet patch as well for my efforts. With my multi-coloured damp crotch drawing crowds, I marched onto japan's railway system to meet my friend Pat and chiba.
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I've only just arrived at a place I can sleep. Pat was running late as he had to start up a nuclear reactor (he's not a bond villain, he just works for the navy...) and we spent a pleasant hour or 2 meandering along Japanese cross country railways before arriving where ever it is I am. I geo-tagged a photo in the hope I could figure it out!
Anyway, i've had to stay in someone else's flat while Pat goes to work. 'if he gets back don't worry' he said. 'just explain who you are and how you know me - don't start off with any jokes - he can get a bit stabby'. At this point Pat's friend made the appropriate gesture. At my request, Pat rang his friend so he now knows i'm staying here. Right. Bed time!